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October 20, 2009
Published on Oct 20, 2009
All that remains of the surgery to remove a tumor from my right breast is a mostly-healed, small scar. Radiation therapy is weeks away. My energy has returned and I am walking daily with Maya, the wonder dog.
But somehow, my spirit, is still trying to heal. A slower, more subtle, life changing kind of healing.
And I find it wants solitude, and space to do this. I am happy at home in the quiet.
I try to stop pushing my life forward and wait. To allow my soul to change, as it must and will to accomodate this new version of me. The version that includes cancer.
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In At Home in Solitude as a Spirit Recovers, New York Times columnist Dana Jennings writes eloquently how cancer has changed the way he spends his personal time.
More than ever these days, I want to shrink the world to the couple of rooms in my house where I’m most comfortable. I’ve been declining requests for my time, and the social whirl is less compelling than it ever was. To me, a perfect evening often means stretching out in the den and vanishing into a good novel or compact disc. … I want to nest. I’m doing well physically — my blood tests couldn’t be better, and I regularly take five-mile walks — but my spirit is still convalescing. I crave homely days built around writing, reading and time spent with family and friends.